He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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