What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
