Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
