Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
