It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
