Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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