I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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