i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
