Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The best revenge is premature balding
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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