she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
