I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
