I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
