Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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