I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
