I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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