didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
