I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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