omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize