She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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