um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This house was built for laser tag.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
