Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
