I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
