You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
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I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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