I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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