Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I believe in your delicious
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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