i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think your dad took our porno
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
