The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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