When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
