I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
