Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
