I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
