Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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