let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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