We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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