This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
