I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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