Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
