Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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