I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
