so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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