I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You need a sexual gate keeper
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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