see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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