haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
