Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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