my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
