but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So. Much. Porn.
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