Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
