oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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