Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
