she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize