So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
