My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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