Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
