I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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