I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
