I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
