I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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