Already got asked if we're dating
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
