My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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