Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
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I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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