I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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