When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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