I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
