she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
