When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
