it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
