Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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