I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We had sex on a dog bed..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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