So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
