id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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