mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize