I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
