he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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