I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
