I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
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You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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