I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
