Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm passing your future prison.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
