I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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