I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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