how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
