So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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