Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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