It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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