I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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